moncoeur

I couldn’t go to the gym today because I had to work all day.  Somehow I gained three pounds.  I know I shouldn’t weigh myself so much.  Next week I’ll start to do it weekly.  I’ll also be spending a couple of hours at the gym. 

Today was a good day.  I ate healthy all day and started C25K.  Tomorrow is my day off from the gym because I am busy all day.  I might actually (gasp) miss going!  I need to plan my meals for tomorrow since I won’t be home…

Breakfast: Waffles, yogurt and VITAMIN (almost forgot one today)

Lunch: PB&J sandwich, cucumber, Annie’s crackers and hummus

Snack: Grapes

Dinner: Chick’n patty, spinach

Per advice from some people on the forum, I began the Couch to 5K program today.  It felt very daunting for me because I really felt like I couldn’t run.  I got to the gym and was immediately bummed because the treadmills are in front of the elliptical machines.  That meant that I would have a whole row of people watching me huff and puff.  However, my weekly motto has been Take Yourself out of Your Comfort Zone.  That definitely applied here and I hopped right on.

 The 5 minute walking warmup flew by and it was suddenly time to jog.  And you know what?  I did it!  I did the whole 20 minutes - switching back and forth from 1 min jogging to 1:30 min walking.  I’ve decided to do the C25K program 3 days a week and do 30 minutes on the elliptical machine 3 days a week since the site says to do it three days per week.

I also did some strength training, but here’s where I need some help.  Does anyone know of a good strength training routine to supplement my cardio?  I have found several online, but they’re all “do it at home” routines and I want to do mine in the gym. 

Hope everyone is having a good day!

I came to a realization today.  Food is not a hobby.  It’s not something to do when you’re bored.  It won’t solve your problems when you’re stressed, or unhappy, or lonely.  Food shouldn’t be waiting for you with open arms when you come home.  Food is like an abusive relationship - it’s unhealthy for you and you love it, but it keeps hurting you and making you weak.

Food is nourishment.  It should be eaten when you’re hungry.  If you’re bored, do something.  Go to the gym.  Read a book.  Watch a movie.  Call a friend. 

I’m not trying to preach at all - I’m just working some things out in my head.  :) 

Leg Curl (hamstrings) - 3 sets of 10 with 50 lbs

Leg Extension (quads) - 3 sets of 10 with 20 lbs (both sides individually, then together)

Lateral Press - 3 sets of 8 with 20 lbs

So I’ve been good today.  I weighed myself this morning, ate healthy, and went to the gym.  I did 30 minutes on the elliptical machine (while studying for my psych test - multitasking!) and 10 minutes on the cycle. 

 I know I shouldn’t, but I just weighed myself again now and I’ve somehow lost 1.5 pounds throughout the day.  Encouraging!

Off to class now for my test. 

I found these on a website and they seem helpful…

 1. Regularly get out of your comfort zone.

2. Focus on why you eat instead of how much you eat.

3. Avoid isolation.

4. Learn all you can about emotional eating.

5. Start journaling constantly.

6. Hit up the gym!

I can think back at least 12 or so years ago to thinking about losing weight.  I remember saying to myself, “I’ll just buckle down and do it before the dance recital, or the Sweet 16, or graduation.  I remember saying that a million times throughout the years as the reason for doing it became my college graduation, then my friend’s wedding, then my sister’s wedding.  It never happened.  Now I just need to do it for me.

I’ve always been a compulsive eater.  For me, this is not just a diet.  This is overcoming binge eating.  I remember being younger and sneaking food back to my room at my parent’s house.  I remember being so excited to get my license so I could go to a fast food restaurant to get food alone.  I can remember sneaking out of my room in the middle of the night to eat.  I think about food all of the time.  I look forward to getting home so I can binge.  When I go into a store for something, I always think about whether they have food too, and what I can get.  I hide wrappers and packages in the garbage.  When I eat too much of something that I wasn’t supposed to, I replace it so no one knows. 

 I compare my binge eating to alcoholism or drug abuse.  From what I hear, they are very similar.  But here is the problem with binge eating.  You cannot just stop eating food.  If you’re addicted to alcohol, or meth, or heroin, you need to stop taking it altogether.  But when you’re addicted to food, you have to find a way to still eat… but not binge.  I don’t know how to do that.  I don’t even know how to tell when I’m hungry or when I’m full anymore.  I hope to figure that out.

 The strange part is that I don’t think anyone has picked up on my binge eating.  It’s no surprise that I’m overweight, but there’s a big difference between just being overweight and being a binge eater.  

 I have many reasons to stop binge eating and get healthy.  I have a wonderful mom, sister, niece, and brother-in-law.  I want to see my niece grow up and I want to be there for my family.  I have great friends who I don’t want to lose.  Binge eating has cost me a bunch of friends because I became too embarassed to hang out with them.  So we just sort of lost touch.  I want to be in a relationship again and I know I won’t find anyone unless I get healthy.  I want to dance again.  I want to be able to run up a flight of stairs and not get winded.  I want to wear the clothes that I’ve always wanted to wear.  I want to feel sexy.  I want to be able to cross my legs.  I want to be in more photos.  I want to feel pretty next to my sister.  I want to start a family of my own.  I want to stop being afraid of dying.

 When I eat, I’m happy.   I get excited about coming home to eating.  I don’t even usually binge on sweets.  It’s regular food that gets me most of the time.   Then when I’m done, I feel horrible.  Not just mentally, but physically, too.  Many times I have binged and almost threw up afterwards because I ate way too much.  I feel sick, I feel like a failure, and I feel helpless.

 Well, I’m done.  I’m done feeling helpless because I am way too smart for that.  I refuse to waste my life on this illness.  I know it will be difficult and I know there will be bad days.  But I have to do this, or else I’ll still be having this same conversation in another 10 years…